Seligor's Castle, where there is so much fun for all of our children in the land. Rhythm Rhyme
RELICS AND RATS
Relics and rats cantrips and cats giraffes with short necks and kangaroos without flaps. Teapots and toads dead skunks and stoves terrible journies on ramshackle roads. Wombats with wings see-saws with stings these are just some of my favourite things. Relics and rats imps in straw hats maidens with cherries and silken cravattes. Kettles and kippers vicars and strippers chocolate ice cream and ladies with flippers. Fairies and foam griffin and gnome - fine in their place, but not in the home! Teapots and toads leprechauns in brogues cucumber coffee and squid a-la-mode. Owls baked in omelettes cats stuck in pelmets children on stilts and grannies in helmets Pigs in pink dresses tarts with dark tresses lime-flavoured ladders and foreign addresses Daisies that sing button that ping these are some more of my favourite things.
A Willowdown/Seligor Experience Rhythm's and Rhyme's
Here are some very different tales and rhymes.
These stories are very funny, though I don't think they are ideal for the very young. Actually my grand daughter of 9 and her brother of 10, think they are brilliant, but I suggest you check them out before reading them to the youngster. A bit wicked, but such good fun.
THE SHIRT COLLAR
There was once a young gentleman whose household goods consisted only of a Boot jack and a Comb, but he had the most beautiful Shirt collar, and it is the history of this collar we are about to hear. It was growing old, so it thought of marrying, and it so happened that at the wash it met with a Garter. "Never have I seen anyone so slim and elegant,so delicate and pretty!" the Shirt collar said. "May I ask your name?" "That I never give!" the Garter answered. "Where do you live?" the Shirt collar then asked. But the Garter was too modest to answer such a question. For I "You are a sash, no doubt!" the collar said. "A waistband, see you are useful as well as ornamental, my dear young lady." "You must not speak to me!" the Garter said, "I am sure I never gave you any encouragement!" "Oh when one is as beautiful as you, no encouragement is needed." "Do not come too near me!" the Garter said, "for you look so like a man." "So I am a man!" the Shirt collar said. "I am a young gentleman, and am possessed of a Boot jack and a comb." Now that were not true,for that was its master, whose property these were, but it was fond of bragging. " Do not come near me! the Garter cried, "for I am not used to it." "Dearest!" the Collar said, but just then they were taken out of the wash-tub and hung across a line in the sunshine to dry, and then put upon the ironing board. "Dear lady!" the Collar said, when the flat iron came. "My dear widow lady, I am quite warm. I am quite another being. I have lost all my wrinkles, but you are burning me!
Oh dear, will you marry me?" "Spooney!" the Flat iron said, and it went proudly across the Collar, for it imagined itself a boiler, destined to be a railway. "Spooney!" it said. The Shirt collar had become a little ravelled, at the edge, so out came the Scissors to trim it. "Oh you are, no doubt, first dancer!" the Shirt collar cried. "How you can stretch out your legs! I have never seen anything so charming. No human being can come up to you!" "I know that," the Scissors said. "You desrve to be a Duchess," the Collar said. I have only a Boot jack and a Comb. Had I but a Dukedom!" "Why, he has the impudence to make love to me!" the Scissors cried, and as they grew angry, gave it a deep cut, and so it was cast to one side. "I suppose now I must make love to the Comb," the Collar said. "It is remarkable, miss, how you keep all your teeth. Have you ever thought of marrying?" "Of course! I am engaged to the Boot jack." replied the Comb. "Engaged!" the Shirt collar said, and as there was no one left whom it could marry, it despised matrimony. A long tome after, the Collar lay in a box at the paper mill. There was a considerable company of rags; the fine to themselves, the coarse to themselves, as is right and proper. They all had plenty to say, but the Shirt collar most of all, for it was a mighty boaster. "I have had an immence number of sweethearts," it said. "The girls would not leave me alone. But then there was no denying I was a proper young gentleman then, and I had a Boot jack as well as a Comb, though I used neither. You should have seen me at that time! I shall never forget my first love; she was a Sash, so fine, so delicate, and so pretty, and for love of me she threw herself into the wash tub. Then there was a widow who burned for me, but I would have nothing to do with her, and she turned black with anger. There was also the first dancer, who gave me a wound, the mark of which I bear still; she was very sharp and cutting. My own Comb was in love with me, and lost all her teeth from disappointment. But I am most sorry for the Garter - I mean the Sash - which threw herself into the wash tub. Ah, I have much on my conscience, and it will do me good to become white paper." So it did, and so did all the rags become white paper, but the Shirt collar, just that piece on which this story is written, which happened because it bragged so of things that were not true. And let us take a lesson, that we may not fall into the same trap. For no one can tell whether we may not some day come into the rag-box, and be turned into white paper, and have to tell our own history - our most private affairs even - just like a Shirt collar.
A very strange tale, written by the wonderful pen of Hans Christian Andersen.
JUST CLICK ^ON THE DVD SLOT NEXT TO START ON VIDEO BOX These are a few more tales from Roman times, The Last Gladiator.
The Cat Came Back (1)
Well, old Mr. Johnson had troubles all his own, He had an old yeller cat that wouldn't leave home, Tried everything he knew to get the cat to stay away, Even took him up to Canada and told him for to stay,
Chorus: But the cat came back, the very next day, The kitty came back, 'cause he wouldn't stay away,
Well, the farmer on the corner said he'd shoot him on sight, So he loaded up his gun full of rocks and dynamite, The gun went off, heard ALL over town, Little pieces of the man was all that they found,
Chorus
Well, they give a boy a dollar, to set the cat afloat, So he took him up the river, in a sack in a boat, Well, the fishing it was fine, 'till the news got around, That the boat was missing and the boy was drowned,
Chorus
Well, they give him to a man, going up in a balloon, And they told him for to leave him with the Man in the Moon, The balloon got busted, back to Earth it sped, And seven miles away they picked the man up dead,
Chorus
Well, they finally found a way, this cat for to fix, And they put him in an orange crate on Route 66, Come a ten ton truck with a twenty ton load, Scattered pieces of the orange crate all down the road,
Chorus
Well, they took him to Cape Canaveral, and they put him in a place, Shot him in a U.S. rocket going 'way out in space, Well, they finally thought the cat was out of human reach, Next day they got a call from Miami Beach,
Chorus
JUST CLICK ^ON THE DVD SLOT NEXT TO START ON VIDEO BOX
EXPO 92, THE GUITAR LEGENDS Presents Brian May, lead guitarist of Queen introducing some of the Guitar greats of the 60's, 70's, 80's and even 90's. Starting with Joe Satriani, then Stevie Vai, Joe Walsh. Paul Rogers and more. Fantastic sounds with Cozy Powell to accompany on drums. This concert is followed by Lynyrd Skynyrd with "Freebyrd" Slash playing Hey Joe, Guns and Roses with Knocking on Heavens Door, Gary Moore with "Still got the Blues. Two from the Immortal, Pink Floyd, Wish you were Here and Shine on you Crazy Diamond. Then as a special treat the last track is... well come inside and see.!
dottido@hotmail.co.uk
The Cat Came Back (2)
Old man Johnson had troubles of his own. Had a little cat that wouldn't leave him alone. He tried and tried to give him away, He gave him to a man going far, far away.
Chorus
But the cat came back, the very next day. But the cat came back, they thought he was a goner, But the cat came back, he just couldn't stay away, away, away.
Chorus
He gave it to a man going up in a ballon Told him to give it to the man in the moon The ballon came down about 20 miles away And where that man is we just can't say.
Chorus
He gave him to a boy with a dollar note, Told him to take up the river in a boat, Tied a rock round its neck must have weighed a hundred pounds, And now they're dredging the river for the little boy who drowned.
Chorus
He gave hime to a man going way, way out west, Told him to give it to the one he favored best, First the train jumped track, then it hit the rail, And no one is alive today to tell the gruesome tale.
Chorus
Old man Johnson said he'd shoot that cat on sight, So he loaded up his shotgun with nails and dynamite. He waited and waited for that cat to come around, But ninety seven pieces of the man were all they ever found
Chorus
gggggggggggg
Nits and Gnats (advice to young nomads, possibly!)
O send not nits to eat gnats when the night is full of crickets and bats but stand straight and tall, without chain or ball and distribute fresh welcoming mats.
Voice ne'er an indelicate word to maiden or lad sipping curd, for should the wind change thine fate to re-arrange it may summon the fearsome Felt bird.
The Bird it is jealous of sweetmeats and prunes (it was raised in a sea-pirates favourite spittoon), it gleefully chortles and chokes on old grapes and mouths imprecations when blustery winds break. So heed ye with diligence the words of my song lest your days on this Earth be not overlong - there's many a fine and vacuous knave come foul of this avian beasts escapades.
Harvest your nits and starve them of gnats when nights are chock-ful of crickets and bats - rein in your moths and shackle all lice and before taking thought, always think twice.
The Bird it is pretty, and the Bird it is vain - it scorns the humble bicycle if it can travel by train. But despite its bright glamour and glittering eye the discriminating soul may surely descry that the Bird is best baked in a meat and veg pie.
Look not to your laurels, nor gloat o'er your pines; hoard not your sheep or garrulous swine, but inculcate amity between nits and gnats and polish the fluff off your scrawny black cats.
Please take this as it was written ....for fun
I LIKE BABIES
Young boys are nice in rissoles and girls make a delicious stew but best of all are babies - believe me, I've had quite a few! They're sweet, they're soft and they're tender and sing the most piteous song as they slide down your throat to your stomach - the place they were born to belong! Fathers are mean and bad tempered and mothers are ugly and cruel, but babies have fair dispositions - I generally find as a rule. I try to avoid ancient grandmas, they're stringy and tasteless and tough, whilst sisters and nieces and aunties have tongues that at times can be rough. Young boys are nice in a rissole and girls make a delicious stew, but the treat I like best is a baby - believe me, it's perfectly true! Their bones are like crispy fried bean shoots,their eyes are like seeds in red jam, their limbs are the wings on a sparrow, their belly-pork goes well with yam.
Yes, young boys are nice in a rissole and girls make a delicious stew. But line little babies up for me, please- in a neat and orderly queue! I'm not very fond of Great Uncles and stepbrothers leave me quite cold. Domestic pets can help indigestion but too many cause excess gas- If you don't mind a little suggestion avoid those with rashes or mould! Terrapins make a nice starter and goldfish go quite well with cheese; but the main course, of course, is a baby with tasty and well-seasoned knees! I don't mind the sex of the baby- there's little to tell them apart: With both one end dribbles and splutters, whilst the other just piddles and farts. O bring me a baby for breakfast, with fingers to dip in the yolk. Or else bring `em fried or sunny side up -but scrambled is a bit of a joke. Unless their prepared with caution and care they can go all gooey and run and nothing is worse than skull, nails or hair, in one's teeth- it detracts from the fun.
A young lad is nice in a rissole and girls they make delicious stew. My favourite dish is a Sylvia Sandwich, followed by Custard and Sue.A Peter is fine prepared in white wine, with fish and asparagus tips-but what can compare to a choice leg of Claire or Dorothy's fresh fingertips? Now some say it's vicious and hostile to eat little babies at all but once you have tasted their tender young flesh, other meats wont do at all.
I try to behave circumspectly, I never eat orphans or twins. I never touch mites, or lone kids on bikes, or fairies and angels with wings, But young boys go well in a rissole and girls make a delicious stew;and best of all are the babies that crawl, straight up and burble at you.
At the Feast of Minutes the Goblins drink blood like milk, sucking on bones like licorice sticks, sucking the juice from kidneys and livers like children eat apples and pears, crunching up knuckles like tasty sherbet lemons.
At the Feast of Hours the Goblins dip their spoons into lovely human brains, slurping and smacking their leathery lips, savouring tendons like spears of asparagus, lingering over par-boiled ligaments like hoops of delicious spaghetti, munching pickled eyes like crispy cod-balls in batter.
At the Feast of Days the Goblins chew thoughtfully on braised and toasted hearts, savouring tongues dipped in honey, burping and picking their teeth with their fingernails of elegant young d'butantes.
At the Feast of Years the Goblins pick languidly at the glazed and sugared babies, popping their little skulls like the shells of roasted chestnuts, rolling their tiny hands and feet around in their mouths from cheek to cheek, regaling each other with witty after-dinner repartee and rubbing their swollen bellies with pleasure. At the Feast of Lives, the Goblins groan and yawn, and one by one, nod off to sleep, to dream their Goblin dreams.
imps in straw hats
Pigs in pink dresses
and pretty!" the Shirt collar said. "May I ask your name?"
"Do not come too near me!" the Garter said, "for you look so like a man."
for it imagined itself a boiler, destined to be a railway. "Spooney!" it said.
"You desrve to be a Duchess," the Collar said. I have only
"Of course! I am engaged to the Boot jack." replied the Comb.
nothing to do with her, and she turned black with anger.
just that piece on which this story is written, which happened because it bragged so of things that were not true. And let us take a lesson, that we may not fall into the same trap. For no one can tell whether we may not some day come into the rag-box, and be turned into white paper, and have to tell our own history - our most private affairs even - just like a Shirt collar.
The Cat Came Back (1)
Chorus
Chorus
The Cat Came Back (2) 
Chorus
to maiden or lad sipping curd,
and before taking thought, always think twice.
Young boys are nice in rissoles and girls make a delicious stew
Domestic pets can help indigestion but too many cause excess gas-
A Peter is fine prepared in white wine, with fish and asparagus tips-but what can compare to a choice leg of Claire or Dorothy's fresh fingertips? Now some say it's vicious and hostile to eat little babies at all but once you have tasted their tender young flesh, other meats wont do
at all. 
to dream their Goblin dreams.